**Surreal Experience

I ran into an ex boyfriend at East Side Marios tonight. Hubby, the kids and I were leaving the restaurant when he walked in. He was one of my significant significant others. I have had two or three other significant others - other than hubby. Confused yet? The point is, I was caught off guard - as anyone would be running into an ex. We all have them, we all dread the day we see them...it's natural. But as if running into him wasn't creepy enough, I had been told by some who had seen him more recently than I (which was 1996), that he is married to a girl who's first name differs from mine only by one letter, and she looks just like me. Well, they weren't kidding. She really does look like me.

I was not prepared for how it made me feel. It was such a weird feeling to be standing face to face introducing eachother to our kids. Kids that only exist because I broke up with him for hubby. Speaking to him, I flashed right back to highschool - as if I was right there. In that moment, I felt 18 again, sitting on a bench in the cafeteria sharing a Mr. Big and skipping class. I didn't expect the feeling to be so familiar.

Exes are exes for a reason - things didn't work out. We weren't the right match obviously, and I never looked back, never second guessed that, and am blistfully happy with my family - obviously, but I didn't expect it to feel so strange. Memories came back that hadn't entered my mind in over a decade...how he DJ'ed my sweet 16...I hadn't thought about my Sweet 16 in probably 15 years!

As we walked out of the restaurant, my five year old daughter said to me "Mommy, who was that?", and for a moment, I wondered how to sum up who that was in a few short words. The feat seemed impossible. I mumbled something like 'someone I knew in highschool', and she seemed happy with that, but wow, what a spectacular understatement that was!

**Density

It really bothers me that I can't wrap my head around certain things. I consider myself to be a fairly smart, educated, experienced person, but there are a few things that just boggle my mind, and I just cannot seem to grasp the concepts.

The first one is football. There are large men, grunting a lot, bumping into eachother every few inches, and they all seem so happy. There's a ball and kicking - though I'm unsure of when it is appropriate to kick and when it is appropriate to throw - and big piles of large men on the middle of a field painted with numbers. I have had people attempt to explain this sport to me and it goes right over my head.

Honestly, I don't loose much sleep over not understanding football. It does bother me, however, that I don't understand much to do with finances and investments and the such. I have an RRSP, I have savings accounts, I contribute to them, but where my financial advisor takes my money to make it grow, that is the part that I don't get. There are mutual funds and stocks and bonds and whoknowswhatelse, and he may as well be speaking another language, because I don't get it. I hope he's not doing me wrong, but honeslty I wouldn't know (gee I hope he doesn't read this blog!)

The mechanics of cars is another thing that I feel upset that I don't understand. I take my car in, they tell me lots of things, and I nod and smile. I have only ever done regular maintenance on my cars - oil changes, brakes and tires - never anything else, and they seem fine! Do I really need new air filters and to have all my systems "flushed" as they tell me every time? My car seems pretty happy without those things...it never complains, doesn't appear to need flushing and to be truthful, I'm really too cheap to pay some greesy man to run dirty tap water through a hose and charge me $300!

So there are a few of my downfalls...don't fault me for them, don't laugh, and please don't tell my financial advisor or mechanic!! I didn't even get into the part of my brain that is missing when it comes to world geography...that is a whole other blog!

**Randomness

This was originally a challenge on facebook - to list 25 random things about yourself. I had gotten the request multiple times but never had the time or energy to do it. Once I did, I actually found it kinda fun, so I thought for all that hard work I would post it here too! Enjoy!

1. Pineapple makes my tongue tingle but I eat it anyway because it's yummy.
2. When I had my first baby I felt angry that no one except Oprah told me how tough it would be the first few months.
3. The way I drive scares most people, but I am always safe.
4. My right leg is much larger & more muscular than my left because I drive a lot for work.
5. One of my favorite things to do is sing harmony while someone else sings the melody with pretty much any song.
6. My daughter resembles me to a crazy extent - even little things like pesky eyebrow hairs that point in a different direction than all the rest are exactly the same on both of us.
7. Both teeth on either side of my front middle ones are fake. I was born with "peg" teeth which my grandmother had too and I am afraid my daughter will have them!
8. Every night when I get into bed I sigh and say outloud "I love my bed".
9. I am always feeling cold when everyone else is hot and vice versa.
10. I cry at pretty much anything. Even things that others don't find sad.
11. I am very happy that I have managed to balance my young family with still being able to go out and have fun for myself.
12. I am deathly afraid of spiders. I would rather find a snake or mouse in my house than a spider.
13. I love cottage life which seems uncharacteristic of me.
14. I worked in a pet store all through high school and college and used to touch snakes, lizards, crickets, feed baby parrots by syringe, but had someone move the tarantulas to the top shelf where I couldn't see them at the start of every shift.
15. Whenever someone bakes something like lasagna or brownies, I love to eat the corners.
16. I like to burnt cheese.
17. I really want to try dim sum but don't know what anything on the menu is so I can't order.
18. I hate being late for anything - to the point that I am always chronically early.
19. I have an odd knack for remembering numbers - phone numbers I have dialed only once, my credit card numbers, airmiles number, even library card number. Weird.
20. I have a "list" like on Friends only there are more than 5 people on it.
21. I have eaten the same thing for breakfast for the last 7 years - one egg, one slice of whole wheat toast and a coffee.
22. I love gadgets. My cell phone (aka mini computer) and my roomba vacuum give me an odd amount of pleasure.
23. I write like a doctor. Few people can read it, though it seems crystal clear to me!
24. I like getting to know random things about other people.
25. I am, and always have been, extremely flexible and can still easily do the splits.

***Hmmmmm

Hmmmmmmmm....I wonder if blogs can go dormant and be removed from the blogger site if you don't post in a certain amount of time........

**Long Time Gone

It has been a long time since I have blogged. Only once in December, to be exact. I tend to blog when I'm feeling happy and content with my emotional life. I have not felt that way recently.

A close friend (as she watched me suffer through these past few months) suggested that it's a "pensive time" which is apparently common as you reach your birthdays on the "1's". (I feel like 680 news - traffic and weather together on the 1's) I turned 31 in October and since then have been in a topsy-turvy limbo of disarray.

I went through a baby phase - not me, myself as a baby, but the thoughts of another one in our home. I was totally convinced I wanted it.

I went through a moving phase. I was SURE we needed a new house and financially had all the pieces in place.

I went through a cutting back at work phase. I actually DID do this one, and it takes effect February 2nd. I am looking forward to that!!

Thankfully hubby is too little of a push-over to go along with my raging plans, because ultimately, I changed my mind on the baby and moving situations. I realized that I was restless. My life has fallen into place exactly as I had hoped. I have wonderful kids, financial stability, a home in a perfect location with a wonderful school a few steps away, we all have our health, and our lives are actually where we wanted them to be. This is what we planned for and worked so hard for all these years.

So my new year's resolution this year is to relax and enjoy life more. Enjoy my kids. Go places, take trips, work a bit less hard because I can, take time for myself. Go out nights, get a babysitter, attend concerts, spas, do fun kid stuff without worrying about missing work a few extra days a year.

I'm glad I maintained my whits about me before making any rash decisions that I would have regretted, and now I'm in a much better place.

I only hope I can be better at this year's new year's resolution than last year's. Last year I vowed to blog more often....(blushing)...oops...

**Clueless

I have no idea how it never occurred to me that hubby going back to work full time would increase my personal responsibilities. Duh! What the hell was I thinking?! Where was my brain?!

He started back to work full time (though working from home some days) this week. It was all good - the best laid plans. There were no issues, a babysitter for the off-kindergarten days was easy to find and affordable. The work schedules jived and no one had to change anything. We planned this for a month. A full month I had to figure this out. Never ONCE did it cross my mind that I would have to work full time AND be solely responsible for the kids until after dinner 5 days a week. Not until yesterday. Day one went off without a hitch. Day two came and BOOM! It hit me. It is going to be like this FIVE DAYS A WEEK. PLUS working full time myself. Suddenly I feel oh, so tired.

Sometimes I wonder where my brain is. It was my idea that he work full time. I'll get used to it, I'm sure, but it seems like an uphill climb right now. I need to wake up and smell the responsibility - QUICK!

**Surprise Moment

For a couple of months now I have known that my son was ready to try a two-wheeler. The problem was that he had no desire to do it, and he's a very head-strong kid. If he doesn't want it, he will fight it with all his might. So today I put my foot down, and through the tears and arguing emerged a proud little boy pedalling his way down the sidewalk with no training wheels. He is so proud of himself, and I would not have insisted had I not been sure he could do it confidently. He can.

Here's the short version of the story. A wonderfully brilliant friend suggested converting a bike into a "push bike" - removing the pedals and training wheels and ensuring the seat is nice and low and having him learn how to "glide" down the driveway. He did this off and on for a month or two (not consistently - maybe once a week). Once the gliding became easy (he can start at the top of the driveway and glide easily down onto the sidewalk without putting his feet down), we were to put the pedals on.

So here we are - after school today. Hubby screwing the pedals in and poor son sobbing that he likes his push bike and wants to ride it forever. I beg, I plead, I bargain - just TRY it. I promise a "prize" if he gives it his best shot. I try everything. Then I have a thought. Since he was a baby he would not try anything unless he knew he had mastered it. Even walking - he pushed that toy on wheels around our condo for months before he let go. So today I said "why don't Daddy, your sister and I cover our eyes and you try it and tell us when you're ready to let us watch". For half an hour I peeked through my fingers as he first put his feet on the pedals, then began MOVING the pedals, to next him being at the end of the street beaming back at us saying "open your eyes! Look how far I went?!" He did it all by himself. There was no running alongside him, not one scratch or fall, he just did it.

The part that I was not prepared for was the overwhelming feeling of pride I had when he pedaled for the first time. I, of course, could not express it because I wasn't supposed to be watching, but it caught me off guard. I expected him to get the hang of it, and I pictured him doing it, but the rush of emotion as he took off on his own was indescribable. Who would have thought that on a cloudy September day, an event as simple as that would burn into my memory and surely last a lifetime.