**Every time I come back it's with another kid

It has been close to two years since I last blogged, and while part of me hates it, a part of me misses putting my thoughts down in writing and creating a memoir for my children. Every post that I go back to read immediately transports me back to the time in my life when it was written. I can feel the feelings again, as if I'm right back in that time, and I like that.

Life is too short, too complicated, too busy to stop to take in the moments that matter. That truly upsets me because I see first hand what regret looks like to a person who's life is cut short. I try to drink in the moments, savour each kiss so to speak and not let the world get to me in ways that are too easy to let happen.

I am reading a book right now! This is a FEAT for me, as anyone who knows me well can attest to! I haven't read a book since the Fifty Shades of Gray trilogy (which to be honest was only because of the hype). I'm reading "BLOOM" by Kelle Hampton and it's a book written by a beautiful mom who got her start writing a blog about her child. She now has three children, one was born with Down syndrome, and she drinks in life in the way it should be done. That sista knows how to rock a parenting moment, let me tell you! Honestly my return to this blog is without a doubt because of this paragraph she wrote (and geez I know nothing about copyright laws but I hope nobody is upset by me quoting her):

"I cried when I traded in the 3-6 month sleepers for the 6-9 month ones...Everything was just so....memorable. I began to feel like I was cupping my hands, attempting to hold water when it just trickled through my fingers and there was nothing I could do to keep it there. I wanted to remember everything. My mom has always talked about dreams she'll have to this day - dreams where we're little again and she's pushing strollers and rocking babies. She says when she wakes up and realizes it's not true-that those days are gone and we're all grown up - that, for a minute, she feels like she can't breathe. Because she wants to feel it again so badly, to hold our little bodies and rock them close to her chest just one more time."

This is how I feel every time I kiss my daughter who just turned one. Like if I take a deep enough breath when I kiss her that I'll breathe a piece of her scent into my soul and feel it forever.

Today is a particularly emotional day. Our final maternity/paternity leave is over. For the first time since I pushed my first baby out (almost 12 years ago) we have to rely on someone else to care for our children. Up until this point we have had our children in someone else's care so little that I can count on my fingers. Once or twice their grandmother watched them, and a few times some awesome friends stepped in. And the stupidest things make me upset. I watched our new nanny wipe my 3 year old's face the other day after he ate a banana and I got so sad. **I** should be washing his face! **I** am his mother and that is **MY** job! He looked at me as if he was feeling the same way but saw that I did nothing to stop this horrific action of cleansing my child so he moved on. I guess if it seems okay to me, he thinks it's okay. But it's not okay. He's my boy.

I am fully aware that this sounds ridiculous to the general population, but to me (and my overly sensitive husband) it's a big deal. Unfortunately, no matter how well versed you are in living in the moment and enjoying each day, you still have no choice but to let some memories pass you by because of circumstance. We have four kids to support, to put through university, to pay for weddings, clothe and feed into adulthood. We need to be a two income family. So our nanny will wipe faces and play cars and tickle my little one's tummy when we can't. It stinks but it's life.

You only live once. Make the memories count. Tell people you love them. Breathe in your babies, and for goodness sake, live for today; not tomorrow or the next. Strive for inner happiness and peace. Act how your heart tells you to act, and feel every moment of it as if it were your last.

**Ten Years

On Monday I will have been a mom for ten years. TEN YEARS! I have learned a lot, loved a lot, changed a lot, made many mistakes, but most importantly, I raised a ten year old I'm proud to call mine. Despite him being my guinea pig and paving the way for the other two, we taught eachother and learned as we went...and still are. Here we go pre-teen years. Bring it on!!

In honour of having been a parent for ten years I have compiled a list of the ten most important things I learned in the last ten years.

#10 - Ailments that present precisely at bedtime are safe to assume not as serious as they are made out to be.

#9 - If you think your kid has been too quiet for too long and you suspect trouble, you are right.

#8 - If your two year old is the type of kid to need 100 reminders to hurry up whenever you're trying to get him to do something, he will still be like that at 10. Sorry to crush your hopes of change.

#7 - If you clean out your toy shelf and throw/give away toys that your kid hasn't touched in three years, they WILL ask for it the next day.

#6 - You MUST follow through on threats and punishments. One slip up and you've lost all credibility....and best of luck when that happens.

#5 - The feeling you felt when you looked at the positive pregnancy test so many years ago could still bring a little tear to your eye, on occasion.

#4 - Many nights you will go to bed thinking about things you could have done better that day with your kids, but in the end all that matters is that they know you love them. Even if there were hiccups and mistakes and tears, if the love is there it will all be ok.

#3 - Write down the cute things your kids say as they grow up. Reading from that notebook is better entertainment than anything else around!

#2 - Learn when to step back and shut up. I'm still working on this one as my boy gets older. Hoping to perfect it before #2 is ten.

And the number one thing I have learned having been a parent for ten years is: (drum roll please)...It really goes by way too fast. It sounds like a cliche before you experience it, but it's so true.

It really feels like yesterday that they vacuumed my little baby out of my body and rushed him off to the NICU. I still get tears in my eyes when I remember being wheeled to my room without my baby, how it much it hurt when I couldn't hold him, the tears I wiped from my eyes when I reached in and touched him in the incubator for the first time. I remember how he stopped crying when I talked to him, but nobody else could calm him. I remember not sleeping for three days because of worry and for the first time in my life I understood a mother's worry. Then I remembered feeling like my life was beginning the day I walked out of the hospital with my boy strapped into his carseat. I walked behind my husband staring at the baby and I was so thankful I wasn't going home without him. That was the day my life started. The day I became a mom. It's the hardest job on the planet, and one that many days brings me to my knees with frustration and exhaustion, but I wouldn't have it any other way. We made these lives and helped them all become who they are today. There is no greater gift in the world than watching them grow.

Happy Birthday Ten Year old.

I love you more than you will ever know.

**IT'S A GIRL

My husband's family comes from a long line of boys...boy after boy after boy. The last girl born in the family was a sister to my husband's grandfather. Let me also explain that he had about a zillion brothers and one sister (okay, I think it was something like 16 boys and one girl). Genetically, sex is determined solely by the male.

When I got pregnant with my first child, I always assumed it was going to be a boy. I just assumed I would only have boys, and to me, that was perfectly fine. I don't think I really gave it much thought.

My husband's grandfather had two boys, his two boys each had two boys, those two boys also each had two boys (except for one who hasn't had kids yet), and here we had our one boy with plans for more.

So my beautiful baby boy was born and he was the light of my life. I couldn't love him any more if I tried, and when I got pregnant again right as he turned 1, I almost hoped for another boy because my love for the first was so intense, I figured I wanted to feel the same for #2.

But did my world explode into a sea of confetti when they said "IT'S A GIRL!!". I had no idea how much that would affect me until it started to happen. When she was placed in my arms, wrapped in pink, and I saw the little sign on the crib that said "It's a girl" in pink, it took my breath away. I can't even begin to explain the things racing through my head - things I had never even thought of before. Like that one day maybe my grandchild will grow in her, that I can do her hair and buy all those cute dresses, she can take dance classes and wear makeup one day and have girl talk with me....

Now this may be sounding kinda sexist to you, but believe me, there are many things I felt I could do with my son too, and equally as fun, but somehow, all of as sudden, it was different with her. And a kind of different that I hadn't at all anticipated.

When I got pregnant the third time, I had no desire for it to be one or the other, and actually kinda hoped it would be a boy just to bridge the bigger age gap between the first and third a little better, but either would be just as thrilling to me. Now I have my two perfect boys and one perfect girl, and life is good.

Of course, naked pictures needed to be sent to my husband's family right after birth in order for them to believe that there was a girl in the family. I think they thought it was a joke. Frankly, so did I. And still, every single day I look at her, seven years later, and can't believe I actually have a daughter.

**CHANGES

My eldest is in grade 3. He seems to have gone from little boy to big kid in the last 6 months. He has grown to almost my height (not so tough) and can share my shoes. Last week (pre haircut) he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom styling his hair. Today he was chatting with kids in his class on a school website. I love that he is growing into a young man, but I hate that he isn't my baby anymore. I can't believe how fast I have gone from changing his diapers and teaching him his letters to policing online activity and buying new pants every other week because he outgrows them. Everybody said it goes fast, but to me it's just surreal. In my mind I'm still a highschool kid who has trouble believing I'm married with three kids, owning a house and working full time. How did this highschool kid end up raising a pre teen??

I spent a long time talking to his kindergarten teacher after school today. We had a good laugh over how angry he was when he started kindergarten. He was PISSED that I left him there every day. It's amazing to me how things that felt like a crisis at the time are now things to laugh about. Even he thinks it's funny.

The best part of this whole scenario is that the things that I have heard happen to kids as they grow up in terms of their feelings towards their parents haven't happened as of yet. My big kid still likes to kiss me goodbye when he leaves for school, he asks to snuggle and read to me and spend time with me. My heart just may break in two the day he decides he doesn't want to do that anymore. Until then, I'm going to wring every drop of being my little boy's mommy out of him that I can.

**MUSICALLY ME

Music has always been an important part of my life. In high-school I excelled in it, was a part of all the bands, choirs and was vice president of "music council". Now let me stop you there in your thinking. No, music, band and choir were not at all loser or geeky groups and NO, I did not go to band camp, and even though I did in fact play the flute, it remained safely in it's case when not being used as a musical instrument. Get your minds out of the gutter!!

I still get a thrill out of music and have to admit that one of my most prized possessions is my professional karaoke machine. I sing harmony to every song I know and still have my flute (though very dusty in a storage area somewhere).

So naturally, I wanted music to be a part of my children's lives. We listen and sing to music often (and not the kid crap - the real stuff), and I have taught them the basics of playing keyboard, the notes, and one day will get around to teaching them how to read music. My son in particular can sing amazingly on key and really shocks me sometimes in his natural abilities. My daughter picks up on songs I play on the keyboard with amazing speed and seems to have a knack for it. The baby, well, he smiles when I sing rock-a-bye baby.

But the highlight of my week came a few days ago when my son took out his recorder and recorder book and he played a song along with my daughter who figured out how to play it on the keyboard. They did it on their own accord, figured out that the notes would work on the keyboard too, counted eachother in, followed along in perfect unison, and I swear, I nearly cried.

I hope they get as much joy from a perfect harmonized note or catchy beat as I do, and I hope that grows with them and they can pass it on to their kids. I know a lot of parents consider their kids making music as noise, but to me, it is music to my ears.

**SCENTS OF PLEASURE

It really amazes me the amount of pleasure I can get out of a smell! I know it's common knowledge that it can bring back memories, but it blows me away every time.

Yesterday I found a new scent at Bath and Body Works. Let me digress for a moment and tell you that my heart literally sang a song when I found out they were bringing that store to Canada. My husband was sure to remind me that I'm a bit pathetic. :-)

Anyway, so "Forever Sunshine" lit up my day. The joy that the blend of sweetness with a hint of floral brings to me is just too much for me to express, and I honestly wonder if they put something addictive into their scents! Really! How is it possible that I want to surround myself in warm vanilla sugar body spray all day long, and slather on Forever Sunshine cream every time I wash my hands?

I still have a flashback to my first kiss when I chew or smell "cool mint" Dentyne gum. I remember doing back flips on the trampoline as a teenager in gymnastics when I smell The Body Shop's strawberry body oil. I recall morning sickness when I smell chicken nuggets cooking.

I wonder if in twenty years when I smell "Forever Sunshine" I will remember these days of washing my hands a million times a day from cleaning up spitup and poopy diapers and then putting on cream because my knuckles are cracking and bleeding.

**BACK AT IT

So it has been a while, and a lot has happened since I last blogged. For one, my family expanded to 5 with a beautiful baby boy. I am bursting at the seams with admiration for maternity leave - a concept I didn't seem to grasp before. I am on the hunt for a bigger house for my bigger family and looking forward to our new adventure of trying to move with three kids (yikes!!).

But the reason I am back is due to a spark of inspiration that hit me as I drove on the DVP tonight on my way home from dinner in Greektown with my cousin.

As I drove along at the speed of molasses (traffic) with my ipod plugged into my stereo blasting Glee songs (LOOOOOOSER!!) and singing at the top of my lungs (not to worry, it was balanced out with some Lady Gaga later), I felt so lucky. I had a nice dinner, nice conversation, nice relaxation and company. This in itself makes me feel lucky, but add to that the fact that I get to drive home to three soapy smelling kids cozy in their jammies waiting to be kissed and hugged goodnight, it makes me feel rich.

It's so easy - especially with this hectic life we are living - to get caught up in the stresses and worries. I had a bad week last week. Some bad news, followed by not winning a bidding war on what we considered to be our dream house. It was hard. Then I heard a story from a friend about a terrible nightmare she has been living day in and day out for years, and it made me realize that I have got it easy as pie. So? I have to pay a big bill. It sucks but it will be okay. And we will find another house, eventually. Whenever it happens it happens. But I need to focus on this awesome life I'm living with my awesomely helpful hubby and three amazing kids and take it all in.

I'm going to blast Glee songs more often. Music always puts things in perspective. If I knew how, I'd put in a song that plays while you read this - one that portrays my mood, but frankly I'm not that technologically savvy. Sorry.

I'm going to try to blog more often. I love going back to read it years later, and it's a journal that my kids will read when they are older and perhaps going through the exact same things I am today.

(If I knew how, you would now be listening to "Sing" by the Glee cast on last week's episode. That song is FANTASTIC!!)

**What a different ballgame

When hubby and I got married, we were the first in our group of friends. When we had our kids, same deal. As great as it was to have people supporting us through those times, our friends were at different points in their lives, making it difficult to stay close - or appreciate the full extent of these life events. It didn't help that all of hubby's friends and family live in another part of the country as he had just moved here from far away. We had some family and friends that remained close, but not at all comparable to now.

Now we have an amazing, supportive, caring, fun, perfect network of friends (some also family) who are generally walking the same path as us, and I feel for the first time in my adult life like I have a CORE.

I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones, just me getting older, or the extra support I have been having through this pregnancy, but it feels as if I live in a different world than I did eight years ago when my oldest was born. What a wonderful way to experience such a major life event! These people CARE about us! They are around to help in a pinch, as we are for them, they have been through this all before, and they are genuinely happy for us. They enjoy our company as much as we enjoy theirs and I don't mean in a superficial kind of way.

I feel much more loved than alone, more whole than fragmented, more full than empty, more at peace than getting by. As much as I loved the process of my family expanding when I did it six and eight years ago, I am in bliss now. I'm not only fulfilled as we welcome a new baby boy, but fulfilled when I see my children enjoying their community of friends and family. Every birthday party that starts off with a list of 25 people BEFORE we get to school friends is a happy birthday party to me....granted it's a bit hectic but I love surrounding ourselves with people we care about and who care about us.

I could see it in the eyes of the people I told that I was pregnant - a long five months ago. Each person as I sat them down and broke the news just lit up with happiness for us. Each person's reaction burned a little impression into my heart, and it's one that I will cherish forever, as I will their friendships. I value this little life we have built as a family and I can't wait to live it as it grows and expands.

**The things we do for our kids

It has become a yearly tradition for our family to go to a local festival in the spring, plant a tree, and get a caterpillar as a prize that turns into a butterfly.

This year both kids got caterpillars and they ate and ate and ate, became chrysalises, hatched, showed off their beauty and gave us a good lesson on metamorphosis. Emily and Fuzzy were going to be released today.

However, last night we noticed that their bums were stuck together. They mated. We googled. Turns out Emily stores the eggs that Fuzzy fertilized (for many, many hours might I add) in her tummy and deposits them on a certain type of plant.

I promised the kids I'd do my best to figure out what kind. A call to the number on the instruction sheet revealed they need a hollyhock plant. I am no gardener. This was Greek to me. The kids want to TRY to see the rest of the lifecycle.

I called four garden centers. Closest hollyhock is a 15 minute drive away. File this under "things Daddy would never do". We hopped in the car and sang along with the radio as we made our way to our hollyhock.

Two dollars and fifty-nine cents later we brought it home, fed the baby butterflies orange gatorade with a q-tip, and put them on their plant. Immediately Emily (who we frankly cannot tell apart from Fuzzy) put her bum on a leaf and pink stuff was left on it when she flew away. Who knows if this will work and if we will hatch any caterpillars, but heck it sure is fun to try!!

I hope they remember this. I hope they remember how important it was to their Mommy to do my very best to teach them, love them and make them happy. When they are Moms and Dads I want them to do things like that for their children because the smiles and excitement on their faces brought the most satisfying, happy feeling to my heart I have ever felt. THIS is what life is about people.

**A mish-mash

There has been a terrible shift in my household. I feel sad and confused, and in need of a hug.

The time has come that my children do not find it fun to do favours for me.

How does this happen over-night?

Yesterday I could bellow "who wants to get a new box of kleenex for the downstairs bathroom?!", and I would be bombarded by squeals of "ME!" "NO ME!!" "IT'S MY TURN TO HELP MOMMY!".

Today I got a very quick "no thanks", in stereo, nonetheless. Perfect.

I had a bad day. Everything that could go wrong DID go wrong. It started with a snowball effect of running late at work causing me to feel like I was climbing a slip-n-slide coated in butter. I sat down to pay the bills when I got home and could NOT balance my account for the life of me, then picked up the kids and drove directly to the dance shoe store. After spending way too long fitting my daughter for jazz shoes and "convertible tights" (don't ask me what that means, all I know is the lady said she needed them and at that point I didn't feel that using my time to listen to her answer to the question at the tip of my tongue - "why" - was worth my time, so I just said "okay"), I paid my ***SEVENTY-EIGHT DOLLARS**** (!!!) and was on my way.

As I pulled into the driveway I felt my tension releasing, felt my awful day coming to a close as all I had to do was throw potatoes in the oven to bake, empty the kids bags, do homework, boil peas and check on the crockpot, change the fish water and take a shower (yes, this was easy compared to my day), I unlocked my door and realized that my dear son left his baseball cap sitting in the dance store.

Should I be surprised? Nope, not after my day.

So back we drove, me trying to swear only in my head, them being very, very quiet knowing I was not so much thrilled by this turn of events, we rescued the hat and came home - half an hour behind schedule.

So now it is 8:14pm and it is the first time I have sat down all day. Other than in the car driving to and from the dance store twice.

That was a big bitch-fest. Sorry for that.

My last tidbit stems from a conversation with a friend in pubic relations. She told me that tasteful product endorsements in my blog could yield some freebies. Have I mentioned how much I LOVE Honda SUV's? Hey, after my day, I think I deserve it.

**My 2 Cents On The Gosselins

Is it wrong to say that I can see the points of view of both Jon and Kate Gosselin? For a long time now - prior to all of their struggles being put forth by the media, I have said aloud that they have major issues. When they renewed their vows in Hawaii I told hubby that the tension while they danced and held eachother was palpable.

Now, as I follow the media frenzy and watch as friends, family and celebrities choose sides, I have to admit that I find neither Jon nor Kate totally in the wrong. The only thing that I agree with wholeheartedly is the damage it is doing to the kids.

He says she beat him down and made him feel worthless, he was verbally abused and she gave him ultimatums and made the decision to end the marriage-as well as stealing his wedding ring one day while they were still putting on the charade. I can see her doing every one of those things (and have actually seen her do some of them!). She probably felt angry and stressed (how could she not with her life responsibilities) and she took her anger out on him. What I don't think she counted on, however, was Jon finding his voice, finding love and affection in other places, and realizing that life was better without her abuse. She never thought he would leave-she didn't think he had enough balls.

I do believe that she is truly remorseful for what happened and now that her life is panning out the way it is, she is wishing she could take back a good portion of her actions over the last 5 years. She is being forced to see herself through the eyes of everyone else and it is making her realize that she made her bed, and now she has to lie in it. Alone. She is again displacing her anger. Really she is angry at herself for digging this grave that snowballed out of her control, but she is saying she is angry with Jon's actions. Sure, having your girlfriends over whilst caring for your eight emotionally fragile kids isn't the brightest move, but he is flexing his newly freed muscles. He will learn from his mistakes and figure it out.

She feels sad that she is alone, in her mid-thirties with eight kids and a nation that thinks she is a bully and a bad mother. She is not a bad mother. She has her times of stress, she has her moments of frustration, but I do believe that she maintains an appropriate core focus. Her kids. They would not be such well-rounded, well behaved, pleasant children if she was not a good mother. She didn't expect it to turn out this way and she cries all the time because she realizes she messed up big time and there is no eraser in the real world.

There it is. My completely unprofessional, unsolicited opinion, my best guess based on my observations. Take it as you wish.

**Constantly Learning

I discovered today that even now, at my ripe old age of 31, I am learning and growing every day. I am drawing from experiences and changing with every breath. I walked into a work situation today, and knew that it was going to be a life changing moment for me. I recognized the circumstances, and as I stood there at the start of my visit, I knew in my core that this moment would be significant forever in my life. I would not have known that even a year ago in my career. I would have gone without recognizing the signs.

The benefit of this ongoing learning process - and I mean not only in my career, but in my personal life as well, is that I can take a step back more easily, assess the situation and take appropriate steps to make these moments as positive as possible. I act more rationally, leave with less regrets, and maximize my experiences.

I don't think I knew this in my 20's. I think I thought I knew everything. I thought I had the upper hand on life - had it all figured out. Now in my 30's, I realize that life is about growing, changing and learning. Constantly. Wonder what my 40's will bring....

**Eyes Full Of Disgust

Some days my kids look at eachother as if the other is the worst human being on the planet. Every time one so much as brushes by the other, the world practically explodes.

The funny thing is that they seem to mutually feel the same about one another on any given day. Either they get along famously, leaving the adult in the house glowing in the ability to do adult-needed things throughout the day, or they despise one another.

Perhaps they have a meeting at the start of the day to determine which it will be.

Today for example my daughter had a hissy-fit because "HE TOUCHED MY HELMET!" while bike riding. What am I supposed to say to that?!? He touched your helmet...aaaannnnddddd.......Oh! I see! He touched your helmet. I should definitely send him to his room for the rest of his life, never to be seen again, right?

One says a word, the other snaps back that it was used inappropriately. My son spits the words "you should know that", as my daughter spits back "how should I know, I'm only 5?!" And on we go on the downwards spiral. I've heard you should let them figure it out - fight it out, develop their sense of themselves, but if the situation is not interjected upon early on in the argument it gets UGLY. And I mean UGLY!

The other day I was on the phone (my cell) with a friend when they had an explosion over a skipping rope. They screamed so loud that they set off the glass break sensor on our alarm system. So on top of the screaming and crying there was the siren, then the home phone ringing (the alarm company calling to see who broke a window), me screaming over it all telling them to be quiet so I can hear on the phone....it was not our finest moment.

So all I ask it to be informed of the consensus of their meeting each morning - whether it will be a peaceful day or to prepare for war. I just need to know if I should drag along my earplugs and sedatives, or if I'll be okay without.

**A New Era

We seem to have entered a new era in our household. I suppose it was inevitable with the kids growing up so quickly, but even though I expected changes, I didn't expect them to happen so quickly and drastically.

This new era is an era of technology. They all said it was coming. They speak of it even on the news. Eventually kids only have interest in things that plug in. They used to go off and play together - they played pretend. Baby, school, puppy, whatever. If they weren't playing pretend they were often colouring or playing with toys. Sure they fought sometimes, and they did enjoy playing on "nickjr.com" and with their "leapster", but the majority of free time was spent just being kids.

Lately they are only happy playing Wii or DS or computer or watching television. And although we still limit these activities (pretty strictly actually), they seem to be at a loss when we unplug them. This weekend they both actually lay on the living room floor whining "I'M BOOOOORRRRREEEDD!" when we said no video games or tv. Are you freaking kidding me?! We have toys coming out of our ears, we have every craft you can think of, we have eighteen shelves full of games and puzzles, you have parents willing to engage you and play with you, and STILL you are at a loss?!

I'm pretty sure it's a developmental phase. I can see them changing before my eyes. Gone are the days of blowing up a single balloon and throwing it on the living room floor yielding countless hours of happiness, playfullness, jumping and laughing. These days we have to work harder for it.

I miss seeing their eyes light up for the littlest things. I guess this is life. Parenting has to change as your kids develop into their own little people. I hope I guided them appropriately up until now, and I hope I learn to adapt my parenting skills to continue guiding them in the right direction as their needs and interests change.

**The Last Two Months

Sickness sucks. There's no nice way to put it. One of us gets sick and it debilitates the family. More time is spent indoors getting sour with eachother, the television is permanently on for the one who has no energy to do anything else, inevitibly drawing in the healthy ones to become couch potatoes as well.

We have had our share of sicknesses in the last two months. A whopping FIVE illnesses for my son since March break, TWO for my daughter, TWO for me, and amazingly enough, Hubby got off Scott free. Not sure how that works...

It started right before March Break. My boy got strep throat. He was SICK. High fever, lethargic, even threw up. When I discovered the white spots in his throat I was relieved. I knew that 24 hours on antibiotics is a sure cure, and he won't even be contagious anymore. I was right. Back to normal within a day.

Fast-forward 3 weeks or so. The sore throat and fever come back. Back to the pediatric walk in clinic (because of course this never happens during the week, right?) and another positive strep throat culture. New antibiotic because obviously the first one didn't do it's full job. Again back to normal within 24 hours.

Fast-forward ONE week this time. STILL on antibiotics. Sore throat returns. This time it is during the week for a change and we go to the regular doctor. Our hero, Dr. K. thinks the strep is still there. Cultures again (he is getting to be a pro at throat swabs) and gives a new prescription to only fill when the one he is still taking is done.

Two days later, he gets a huge cold. The sore throat was not strep this time, just a cold. The cultures were finally negative and we avoided a third round of antibiotics.

Daughter and I catch the cold, hers lasting a couple of days with only sniffles, me being down and out for a few days with fever and blowing things out of my nose that no one should ever have to witness. This goes on for over a week.

Just as we're all on the upswing and getting back to feeling normal, my son gets a fever. On a Thursday night. Back to Dr. K. Friday (I believe they have put our names right on the exam room door now) and she thinks the throat is still clear. This time she does a blood test cause this is getting ridiculous!

The fever lasts 3 days and a new cold and cough develop (illness number 4 in case you've lost count). I'm not sure the other cold was even totally gone....

The blood tests come back normal (and she tested for everything in the book!) and in fact she is impressed with his numbers. Just viruses she says. "Unlucky this spring" she says....

Six days later he wakes up and pukes. He threw up twice and then was fine. A missed day of school, some more television and games on the computer. The next day my daughter gets it, the next day me. Apparently this virus doesn't make females puke though. Only the other thing...

And now - six days past the last illness I lay in wait for the next to arrive. Every time someone so much as frowns I brace myself for the next round of sickness. I am so sick of sickness. When it all started back before March Break, it had been about a year since we had used any of our medications. Some had expired! I was so spoiled back then....

I have to be thankful that both my kids seem to recover quickly from their bugs, but when they get a new one every week, it's kind of hard to tell where one ends and the next begins.

Please think healthy thoughts for us. I don't know how many more rounds I can handle.

**More Randomness

I enjoyed writing random thoughts about myself (as odd as that sounds) so I thought I'd give it a go again.

1. Not that anyone likes their kids being sick, but it is one of my worst fears. I know too much as a nurse that I always think the worst...even when it's very minor. I worry WAY too much!
2. I'm a pessimist. Glass is almost always half empty but I think it spares me heartache that way.
3. The only beverage I drink other than one coffee a day is water.
4. I found that the only good part of pregnancy (other than the outcome of course) was feeling the baby move inside. I could sit there all day and take that in.
5. I know quite a few famous people personally.
6. I recently helped a friend discover her husband is cheating - and I don't think I'll ever forgive myself.
7. I still bathe my kids together even though I know they're getting too old for it. It's just so much easier!
8. I once had a dream about George Clooney.
9. My hair is very thin even though it doesn't look that way from the curls. It all fell out after I had kids.
10. Of all life's big events, I found moving to be the most stressful - over and above getting married and having kids.
11. I love the feel of warm sand between my toes.
12. I'm allergic to spring. I get a rash on my hands and forearms every spring. No doctor has any idea as to why.
13. I like writing - gets my thoughts out. If I'm upset with someone I write them a letter. It often doesn't get sent but I feel SO much better after!
14. I believe I'm addicted to text messaging. Perhaps I can find a program...
15. We found a sparrow's nest above our porch light with six little eggs inside.
16. I don't understand eating spicy food - you can't taste the food! You can only taste the spice!
17. I can still play the flute, though the ability to read music has fizzled.
18. I played an audience game on The Rosie O'Donnell Show in 2001.
19. I used to not mind it much but as I grow older I HATE driving in the snow!
20. Most of my circle of friends are older than me.

**Annoying Ads

I have been particlarly annoyed by certain radio commercials lately. I am in my car many hours of the day and spend every second listening to the radio (except when I'm on my cell phone - for which I use a bluetooth, don't fret). I spend the first hour listening to 680 news. Once those stories start repeating, I switch to music stations and flip between them for the remainder of the day.

Why in the world would anyone want a commercial that says "If you have a wallet with something in it, we want you at Kooy Brothers". How much more rude can you get?! They may as well say "we don't really care if you are happy with our service or products. We just want your money".

What about the Toronto Blue Jays commercials? They're trying to say that specific players were born to play the game. There's a little voice singing the ABC's, only he sings them "A-B-C-D-E-R-A". Ha ha. E.R.A. Very funny. Not.

These companies pay people a lot of money to come up with these ideas - not only that, but they pay a lot of money to get these commercials on the radio! Why waste everyone's time and money on crap like that? Every time one comes on when I'm tuned in, I certainly feel like that was 30 seconds of my life that I will never get back.

**Kitty Trauma

Okay, so here's a story I didn't share with almost anyone. Back in October, after thinking about getting a kitten for many months, I found a lady on CraigsList who lives in Markham giving away 5 week old kittens for free. We hummed and hawed but decided to go see her, and ultimately brought her home. It was a Sunday. When we first brought her home she hid under the couch for hours. We had an idea to bring her into a room that had no place to hide so that she could get to know us. In my daughter's room, the kids played with her with pieces of string, they scratched her and snuggled with her for about an hour and a half. Then my son had what I thought was an asthma attack. He was trapped in that room with all of little Keisha's (the kid's named her) allergens and he started to cough and wheeze. He hadn't done that in years. His asthma was pretty much gone.

Hubby and I escaped from the kids and the cat and decided (with much drama and hesitation) that we had to give her back right away. Even her spending one night here would make it even harder for the kids to let go. We called the owner and she completely understood and told us to bring her back. The moment I walked into that room to tell the kids that Keisha had to go back was probably one of the worst family moments I can remember. Both kids collapsed in tears. My daughter sobbed into her hands and my son cried "No! No!" repeatedly.

I told them a white lie. I said that **I** was allergic to Keisha. I didn't want my son to feel responsible. I wasn't thinking clearly at the time, and most of it is a fog, but I am glad that I made that decision. I didn't want to make my daughter resent him, and I didn't want him to feel worse about the situation then he already did. I explained that as much as we love her already, after only a few hours, it is much more important to have a healthy Mommy. I explained that if we kept her, Mommy would have a sore throat and cough every single day, and that would make me tired and grumpy and no one would want that. They agreed, but still cried - for what felt like hours.

My husband drove Keisha back to her owner and handed her back to the amazingly understanding woman while I stayed home trying to comfort the kids.

The next day, my son came down with a terrible cough and cold. It lasted weeks and my daughter got it too. It made me feel that maybe we jumped the gun. Perhaps we returned Keisha too soon and it was just this terrible virus coming on. I made an appointment with an allergist. He tested NEGATIVE for a cat allergy. The allergist told us that all cats have different dander, and he could be allergic to one and not another. He suggested (and explained how to) do a home allergy skin test with dander from my mom's cat. We did it. NEGATIVE.

Keisha has since found a good home (the day after we returned her), and Keisha's mommy has given birth to a new litter of four kitties. Now a new dilemma arises. Do we do it again? If we do it again, we have to be sure that we are adopting this kitten for life. I won't put them through this again. Part of me tells me to leave well enough alone, and the other part of me says that they would really benefit from a kitten so much, and we have made pretty sure that it wasn't an allergy, so why not? It would make them (and me) so happy, and it will mend the wounds of Keisha (who they still talk about regularly).

I am bad at making big decisions - extremely bad. The owner of the kittens has agreed to let us visit them about a week before they're ready to go home and spend an hour or so amongst their dander and saliva - even having them lick my son - to ensure there is no reaction. He has never reacted to a cat before...ugh. I HATE making tough decisions!!! I keep thinking what if.....

(The picture above is of our Keisha. She was ours for a whole 6 hours.)

**Surreal Experience

I ran into an ex boyfriend at East Side Marios tonight. Hubby, the kids and I were leaving the restaurant when he walked in. He was one of my significant significant others. I have had two or three other significant others - other than hubby. Confused yet? The point is, I was caught off guard - as anyone would be running into an ex. We all have them, we all dread the day we see them...it's natural. But as if running into him wasn't creepy enough, I had been told by some who had seen him more recently than I (which was 1996), that he is married to a girl who's first name differs from mine only by one letter, and she looks just like me. Well, they weren't kidding. She really does look like me.

I was not prepared for how it made me feel. It was such a weird feeling to be standing face to face introducing eachother to our kids. Kids that only exist because I broke up with him for hubby. Speaking to him, I flashed right back to highschool - as if I was right there. In that moment, I felt 18 again, sitting on a bench in the cafeteria sharing a Mr. Big and skipping class. I didn't expect the feeling to be so familiar.

Exes are exes for a reason - things didn't work out. We weren't the right match obviously, and I never looked back, never second guessed that, and am blistfully happy with my family - obviously, but I didn't expect it to feel so strange. Memories came back that hadn't entered my mind in over a decade...how he DJ'ed my sweet 16...I hadn't thought about my Sweet 16 in probably 15 years!

As we walked out of the restaurant, my five year old daughter said to me "Mommy, who was that?", and for a moment, I wondered how to sum up who that was in a few short words. The feat seemed impossible. I mumbled something like 'someone I knew in highschool', and she seemed happy with that, but wow, what a spectacular understatement that was!

**Density

It really bothers me that I can't wrap my head around certain things. I consider myself to be a fairly smart, educated, experienced person, but there are a few things that just boggle my mind, and I just cannot seem to grasp the concepts.

The first one is football. There are large men, grunting a lot, bumping into eachother every few inches, and they all seem so happy. There's a ball and kicking - though I'm unsure of when it is appropriate to kick and when it is appropriate to throw - and big piles of large men on the middle of a field painted with numbers. I have had people attempt to explain this sport to me and it goes right over my head.

Honestly, I don't loose much sleep over not understanding football. It does bother me, however, that I don't understand much to do with finances and investments and the such. I have an RRSP, I have savings accounts, I contribute to them, but where my financial advisor takes my money to make it grow, that is the part that I don't get. There are mutual funds and stocks and bonds and whoknowswhatelse, and he may as well be speaking another language, because I don't get it. I hope he's not doing me wrong, but honeslty I wouldn't know (gee I hope he doesn't read this blog!)

The mechanics of cars is another thing that I feel upset that I don't understand. I take my car in, they tell me lots of things, and I nod and smile. I have only ever done regular maintenance on my cars - oil changes, brakes and tires - never anything else, and they seem fine! Do I really need new air filters and to have all my systems "flushed" as they tell me every time? My car seems pretty happy without those things...it never complains, doesn't appear to need flushing and to be truthful, I'm really too cheap to pay some greesy man to run dirty tap water through a hose and charge me $300!

So there are a few of my downfalls...don't fault me for them, don't laugh, and please don't tell my financial advisor or mechanic!! I didn't even get into the part of my brain that is missing when it comes to world geography...that is a whole other blog!