**Superstitions

Some days I feel that I may need to be institutionalized for my superstitious-ness. I am a superstitious person and I believe in fate and all that hokey pokey stuff. I make a wish and kiss something red if when I look at the clock, all the numbers are the same. I wish on the first star I see at night, prefacing it with "star light, star bright, first star I see tonight. Wish I may, wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight". I knock on wood (or my head, whichever is more convenient), and I even avoid stepping over my kids to make sure they'll grow, and if I accidentally step over them, I will step back the other way to reverse the bad karma. There are some things I won't do, however, like avoiding walking under ladders, and if I break a mirror, I don't fret over bad luck for seven years.

I do fully believe in fate, and if something happens to me that I find to be a really crappy, unfair thing, I honestly believe that there is a reason that it happened. I believe that when people walk into a casino, if they are meant to win, they'll win, and if not, they won't - regardless of what seat they sit in or what slot machine they choose and when.

When we were first entering the real estate market and put an offer in on a condo that fell through, I was devastated. It seemed like the perfect place for us and I felt as though we'd never find anything else as great. Well we did - we found a less expensive, larger, better located place that we DID get and lived in happily for years. It was meant to be.

Just know that if ever I wish upon a star, or make a wish blowing out birthday candles, it is always the same wish, and will be the same wish forever....but I can't tell you what that wish is, or else it won't come true! :-)

**Why I Hate Dec.31

Would it be plagiarism if I were to launch into a Paul Reiser moment? If I use quotation marks could I recite an episode of "Mad About You"? Is that allowed? Screw permissions! NEW YEARS IS A ONE SECOND HOLIDAY! All of this fuss and muss is made over a one second celebration! Food costs more, you have to pay to get into everything, and lord help you if you want to have a drink! Um, do I hear someone saying "second mortgage"?

I have a poor track record with New Year's Eve, but I don't feel that it has skewed my insight into this hideous freckle-of-a-moment every year that people put so much emphasis on. People stay up past their bedtimes to scream, blow horns, kiss someone in front of hundreds of other people, say 'happy new year', then go home and go to bed. I'm all for saying "Happy New Year" to your family and friends, but how about doing it at a reasonable hour with no horns or screaming? How's that for refined living?

I have a few single friends and family members who insist on not being alone on New Year's Eve, and they think that it's not a big deal for me because I "have" someone...well honestly, does it matter that I "have" someone when the ball drops in Times Square and I have already been asleep for three hours? I can say with complete and utter confidence that December 31st and January 1st are regular days to me - other than the fact that I need to remember to write '08 instead of '07 on my patient's charts.

**New Years Resolution

I'm glad I'm not a professional writer. The task of being REQUIRED to write something and not feeling inspired is terrifying to me. I love to write. I feel exhilarated at the idea of people reading my writing, but I must admit that I feel pressure to be enjoyable. There is nothing worse (okay, there are worse things, but go with me on this one) than sitting down to read an excerpt that you expect to be entertaining and it falling short. I hope I don't disappoint, though I know in my moments of sheer boring-ness, I likely do.

So my new year's resolution - the only one I vow to make because I don't really believe in new year's resolutions - is to blog more often. Even if it is a teeny tidbit from my day that I wish to reflect on or share, I hope to come through with this promise.

My blog is loosely based on two people's blogs. You have to promise not to laugh, okay? The first one is Lisa Brandt. She is a radio personality and a newspaper writer. Her blogs are always so witty and entertaining - and she always finds something to say. Her style of writing did inspire me, and though hubby does laugh at me for being a 'fan' of a radio news anchor from 680 news, I insist that her style of writing inspires me and entertains me concurrently.

The second blog of inspiration is Rosie O'Donnell. QUIT THAT LAUGHING! So I'm a fan, okay? I admit it. I was even on her show TWICE. I won't even try to get into why I enjoy her and her blog because there are too many Rosie skeptics in this world and I don't even want to go there.

So check back often. I'll try to be here.

**Funny Tidbits

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, but I have been experiencing motivational difficulties. I figured I'd bring some holiday cheer by sharing some funny quotes my children have said over the years. Sorry for the lack of personal touch by using "daughter" and "son", but I'm paranoid lately!!

***
Daughter: "Do you think Santa wears something different in the summer? Cause he'd get pretty hot in that!"
***
Mommy: "This game says 5+ but you're doing so well!"
Daughter: "Yeah, that's cause I'm a smart 4."
***
Son is looking at the calendar. "The one-th of January says New Years"
***
Daddy to Son as he's picking his nose: "Do you need a kleenex?"
Son: "Not anymore!"
***
Daughter sees a fly in the cottage: "Let's dead it!!"
***
Daughter: "I got a boo boo and I have an animal band-aid"
Mommy: "Where's the boo boo?"
Daughter: "Under the band-aid!"
***
Son keeps saying "excuse me I farted" so Mommy says "you don't have to say the 'farted' part, you can just say 'excuse me'", so Son switches to saying "Excuse me, I."
***
Daughter: "when I grow up I'm going to be an art-er"
***
Daughter is talking about missing her great grandmother who died and asks: "can we leave a message on her answering machine in heaven?"
***
Daughter sees a convertible for the first time and says: "Mommy! A broken car!"
***
With family over for dinner, Son walks into the kitchen naked. Trying to get him to put on underwear, Daddy says: "but you have to wear SOMETHING!", and Son replies: "But I'm wearing socks!!"
***
Son: "How can Santa's sleigh fly without wings and a propeller?"
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Daughter stubs her toe: "Mommy! I hurt my socks!"
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Filling up Son's bike tires at the gas station he asks what it says on the air pump sign.
Mommy: "Free air"
(Son thinks for a while)
Son: "Is that cause I'm free?" (aka three)
***
Mommy has a lady bug on her pants that's not moving.
Son: "Mommy! It's not working!"

**Unfair

It just doesn't seem fair that I woke up, asked my children about their dreams, went to work, came home, picked up my kids from school, read stories, made dinner with 4 little hands helping me, ate as a family, bathed and tucked them into their beds, and there are two small children who came home from school today to find their mother had died in her bed ten minutes after they left for school this morning.

How is that fair?

I know I sound like a broken record, but I can't help but feel lucky. Multiple times every single day I look at my life and am thankful for all I have. The downside is that I think I'm actually waiting for the day that the crisis will hit MY family. I have seen too many crises and somewhere deep down inside of me, I fully expect that one day something like that will happen to someone I love (G-d forbid). I'm not sure this is healthy. I spend so much time thinking about the things I am blessed with that I believe I live in fear that it will be taken away from me one day.

The emotional toll that comes along with my job, some days, is very difficult to bear. In the moment, and even shortly after, I'm okay, but hours or days or weeks later after my mind has wrapped around the enormity of the moments I had been a part of, it affects me profoundly. Sometimes it feels like there are wires tethered to my brain and the other end of the wire is tethered to the ground, pulling my mind down physically and emotionally. It is hard to snap out of, but I do. I'm not sure what kind of a different person I'd be if I had a different job, never being exposed to this type of grief and suffering. Would I be a happier person? Would I look younger and more vibrant? Would I have more energy?

Unfortunately at this point I don't have the liberty to leave my job and find out, though I do often wonder if I did, would it help or hinder me. There is an element of positivity in being thankful for every moment. You love more, cherish more, even force yourself to enjoy more. But who would I have become had I been an accountant or even worked at McDodalds? Would I be the same ME? I don't think so, and I'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing.