**Green

I'm feeling a little green; somewhat Kermit-like. It's not easy being green you know. Today for the first time in over 1800 days (don't pull out the calculator, I'll just tell you that it's five years), 216 weeks, 43,000 hours, hubby returned to work. My brood is growing, in big-kid school now 3 days a week, and it was either hubby return to work or have to attack my list of home renovations that even the crew of Holmes on Homes would run screaming from.

My world as I knew it has folded, and for the first time in my life, schedules must be juggled, my responsibilities are completely changed, and worst of all...I HAVE TO COOK! Neighbours beware, I may need to use my oven. Hubby joked that he'll teach me how to cook 2 things and I can switch back and forth between the two. Don't laugh - he was serious.

I'm not sure how I feel about it. Depends on the moment you ask me, as my answer has been changing minute to minute. At first I was excited. I pushed him to find some work, knowing that my renovations aren't necessary and are just a fall-back project in case it would be too hard to find part-time positions in his line of work. I thought it would be great to have the extra money, pay off the mortgage that much faster. My wild fantasies of living mortgage free were dancing through my head like the Sugarplum Fairy! Then when he got offered a job, panic set in. What if I got delayed at work and I couldn't pick the kids up from school? What will we do if the kids are sick and need to stay home from school? What about school trips? Daddy always went on the trips. Then I started to feel sad. I always prided myself on the fact that we made our family work financially and emotionally with Mommy and Daddy both so actively involved. With my work hours as they are, we picked our kids up from school together, played in the park together, always ate dinner together, were both there for tuck-ins at night, the mornings weren't rushed to get everyone out the door (though I counted how many times we said "finish your breakfast already!" in one morning and I'm too ashamed to publish that number). Now I am in acceptance. Daddy is still actively involved, he just may miss dinner a couple of days a week. I'll manage to not starve my children or burn down my house, the laundry and cleaning will still get done, albeit in a slightly more tardy manner, and our kids will still be well-rounded, happy children even if some things are changing. Hubby feels good back in the workforce, and I have to admit that it feels kinda nice to pick up the kids from school and do our own thing for a bit.

This must sound terribly selfish to people who have not been living in a world of one stay-at-home parent for the last 5 years, but you have to trust me on this one. It is a big change for us. We will be fine, we will survive, even thrive I'm sure, but it has been a bit of a foggy week, though I'm sure it will clear. Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully I'll feel a bit less green.

"It's not that easy being green
Having to spend each day the color of the leaves
When I think it could be nicer being red, or yellow or gold
Or something much more colorful like that

It's not easy being green
It seems you blend in with so many other ordinary things
And people tend to pass you over 'cause you're
Not standing out like flashy sparkles in the water
Or stars in the sky

But green's the color of Spring
And green can be cool and friendly-like
And green can be big like an ocean, or important
Like a mountain, or tall like a tree

When green is all there is to be
It could make you wonder why, but why wonder why
Wonder, I am green and it'll do fine, it's beautiful
And I think it's what I want to be"

--Kermit the Frog

**Facebook

What is up with facebook? I first signed up out of curiosity when a friend commented on it in passing. Then I began to find it creepy. Voyeuristic even. I heard of people who checked their facebook e-mail more than their regular e-mail. These people have over 200 "friends"-but how many are really friends?? I have to say it has done some good things for me, and I admit to encouraging others to sign up. I have reconnected with a few people on a genuine basis, most superficially.

I believe there are four categories of facebook friends and I am willing to patent my idea of splitting them up for the website. My fee is large for this ingenious idea.

Category #1 would be the friends who you haven't spoken to in years, you reconnected with them and are genuinely happy about it.

Category #2 would be the ones who you were interested in knowing where they ended up in life, you found out, and now you have nothing to do with them-other than a notch in your "facebook belt".

Category #3: Those who added you as a friend, you can barely remember who they are or where you know them from, but you add them in hopes of figuring it out by looking at their profile.

Category #4: Friends you have always spoken to on a regular basis but now have a whole different way of communicating. You live two doors away from eachother, talk on the phone 18 times a day but still have to message and poke eachother back and forth on facebook.

I recently ran in to a category #2 friend (interested in knowing where they ended up in life, found out, and now have nothing to do with them). It was odd to run into someone I hadn't seen since highschool yet knew all about, had seen pictures of her kids, family and friends, and now am standing face to face actually talking to her. I was pleasantly surprised. Turns out a category #2 has the potential to turn into a category #1. Who knew? I actually enjoyed talking to her, we had more in common than I thought...and here I had closed the door on her category 2 status!

Whether you feel facebook is good or bad, makes you happy or sad, one thing no one can disagree with is the time commitment one must devote to this website. It gives us more to do - more places to check for messages. It is a place where you can get stuck for way too long clicking in circles, reading things about people you would never have known in a pre-facebook era.

**Multi-tasking

I am a chronic multi-tasker. I suppose it can be attributed to my busy life, but I feel uneasy if I'm not doing more than one thing at a time. I can't just drive a car - I must talk on the phone, eat watermelon out of a tupperware with a fork, sing along to a song on the radio and sanitize my hands at the same time. Some may feel this is unsafe and they should find out what neighbourhood I am in before they leave their house, however, I assure you, I am a professional multi-tasker. No need to worry.

I use the computer at the same time as listening to voicemails and vacuuming the kitchen. I go for walks while I catch up on text messages. I read the paper while eating breakfast, making my lunch and packing my work things. I even multi-task at bedtime. Get your minds out of the gutter...I mean while flossing!! Flossing is boring-I must also change into pajamas, check on the kids, arrange my pillows and set my alarm.

The only thing I will NOT multi task with is this blog. For some reason, this needs my undivided attention, and even if I have something else on my mind the words do not flow. My mind must be completely blank (often this is not hard to achieve by the end of the day), and I allow no one to read a draft until it is published (hubby just doesn't GET this and is annoyed that I must angle the computer screen away from him, and at any sign of peeking, I fiercely growl at him). However, everything else in my life is fair game for multi-tasking. You know what they say - if you want something done, give it to someone who is busy!

p.s. This is not an invitation to ask me to do something for you.

**Turned in to mush

Before I had children I enjoyed movies. I enjoyed a night out with some popcorn, or a night in with a fuzzy blanket and a cup of tea, however, times have changed - but not for the reasons you may be thinking. Sure, time is of the essence and the ever-so-abundant "me" time is scarce, as well as increased responsibilities (financial and social), valuing sleep much more, etc. However, I don't avoid movies now due to any of those reasons. I avoid movies because I have been turned into a big emotional marshmallow. Something happened to me when I birthed a child. At first I thought it had to be those dreaded hormones, but no living thing has come out of me in almost 4 years and I'm pretty sure the hormones are back to what they had been. For some reason, my perception of the world has changed and I get deeply upset by other people's suffering.

Ready to click off this blog yet? Do you think I'm totally off my rocker? It can't be just me. I have gotten (gasp) e-mail forwards entitled "how you know you're a mother" and there are many instances of mothers being turned into seemingly irrational creatures when viewing their world through smaller eyes. But why? Why does this happen? I rarely used to cry during television shows, movies, telling or hearing an emotional story, and I have to admit that I didn't really understand why people did! But now, something as simple as a good episode of ER and I'm going through a full box of kleenex and needing to put cucumber slices on my eyes the next day! I cried for a week after seeing Forrest Gump! I am NOT proud of that. That's not even a sad movie!!

So does it change? As the kids grow up and become more self-sufficient does your view of the world go back to normal? I don't mean to sound like a Carrie Bradshaw column with hypothetical questions coming out my hoo-hah, but if anyone can offer up some insight into this for me, I'd appreciate it. I need to know if I should continue buying tissues in bulk.